Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
