why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
