When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Your dad touched me again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
