Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
