I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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