I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
