Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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