Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is it because I queefed?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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