Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
