I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
