i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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