and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
