3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize