rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
