Cold hands, warm shart.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
