My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck appropriateness.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
