So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
