Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
