Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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