Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
