in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize