Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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