Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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