New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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