i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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