my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I looked at my own cervix.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
