I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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