I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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