I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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