i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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