Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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