My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think i have two assholes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
