this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize