Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
