i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
