so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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