Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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