like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
