He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
