YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
