Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
