he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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