he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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