He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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