Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
