dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
