Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
