So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
