I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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