a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
