what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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