I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
