im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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