Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
