Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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