He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
