I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize