R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so explain again why im purple
no
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
