I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
