i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
