xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
