Your face is a jimmy john
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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