I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
