sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
