I can feel you judging me through the phone.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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