Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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